a bit of mental vommit for you
alright, here it is, I'm going to spew all through this key board, all this shit in my head. I've been drinking it deep now for the last few days, all these emotions and thoughts, and feeligns, and they have just gotten to my head. I am in love. I am happy. Over the last week or two I think I have experienced more discomfort that I've ever felt. It was so bad that I had a pain in my chest, literally, right in the middle of my chest that wouldnt go away. It was fear, and sadness, and insecurity, and it sat there like I had swallowed a rock. I had an emotional roller coaster of a weekend, and I walked through or otherwise dealt with this fear, and have come out on the other side. I feel loved, and am happy. I have many large, tough, decisions looming in my future. What do I want to do with my life? what do I want to do for income, to make money, to live on. where do I want to live. What does it mean to follow my heart? I've always got a million questions in my head, usually Iahve the answers for everyone else, I know the "right" thing to do, but that doesnt always means its doable, or possible, or easy. Shit, usualyl the right thign to do is the hardest of all.
My roommate decided she wasnt going to live with me anymore. there goes that money I was hoping to get this month, to help pay for bills, and presents, and shit like that. I dont know whether to rent out the room again? rent out the house, and get an apt. Should i quit my job and move to LA? Shoudl I get a job in LA then quit? Should I wait and have her move up in June? Can I wait till June, doing a long distance thign till then?
so much going on. you know what I've been doing to deal with it all. Nothing! seriosuly. i have been praying, and sitting with the questions, the fear, and the discomfort, and just trusting that by me following any "leads" I may get, hints from the world around me about which direction to take, I will be lead in the right direction.
Last but not least, I am going to try to perform a few of my poems this week. I think on Thursday night I will go to an open mic night and read a few of my poems.
My roommate decided she wasnt going to live with me anymore. there goes that money I was hoping to get this month, to help pay for bills, and presents, and shit like that. I dont know whether to rent out the room again? rent out the house, and get an apt. Should i quit my job and move to LA? Shoudl I get a job in LA then quit? Should I wait and have her move up in June? Can I wait till June, doing a long distance thign till then?
so much going on. you know what I've been doing to deal with it all. Nothing! seriosuly. i have been praying, and sitting with the questions, the fear, and the discomfort, and just trusting that by me following any "leads" I may get, hints from the world around me about which direction to take, I will be lead in the right direction.
Last but not least, I am going to try to perform a few of my poems this week. I think on Thursday night I will go to an open mic night and read a few of my poems.
Comments
Post a Comment