Restless - but different

Today I was restless almost the entire day. I woke up early, around 7am, which is early ofr a Sunday, and felt the pressure in my chest almost immediately. I got up, got dressed, and took my pre-workout drink. I went to the gym, and had a kick ass work out. My focus was on lifting for almost the entire time, but every time I'd let my mind drift off and think about her, my stomach would drop a little, my heart beat a bit harder, and I would get this feeling in my chest. I am not sure what this feeling is, but I have been feeling it over the last couple of days. It is pressure of some sort, fear, that I wont acknowlege. I was talking with my friend Steve about it yesterday at Breakfast, and he says that I am in the process of standing down some fears, and that i am experiencing a feeling of those being dredged up, and the feeling of being super uncomfortable, but rather than act out on it, buy into it, believe it, and let it get to me, I am simply sitting with it, waiting it out, till it loses its power and goes away. Waht am I afraid of? What is making me feel so uncomfortable? Well, it has to do with the relationship I am in. Any time I let someone in, and I become emotionally vulnerable, I get scared as fuck thart I am going to be hurt. In the past, when this would hapepn, I would act out, based on that fear, and end up manifesting the exact thing I Was fearing. Well, this time, I am not letting that happen. I a mdoing something different. IT goes back to that old saying, the one I was hearing at the beginning of the year. If you keep doing what you've always done, you keep getting what you've always gotten. I am also reading this book right now that talks about faith, and how when you face your fears, God will walk you through them. They will either disappear, or you simply are able to meet and beat them easily. So today, I sat and let my fears fester. LEt them pass, I am not buying into the lies they tell. I will focus my energy on doing things that keep me busy, that are good for me, and that help me to prepare for the life I want to have. The day got easy at some points, and others it got tough, but it is the end of hte day, and I am still here, and I dindt do anything stupid, I didnt let my fears get the best of me, and I am not nearly as restless. I am beginning to understand how faith is working in my life, nad what it means to have active faith. To truly believe, nad let my actions show that I truly believe that what I am to have, that what I want to have in my life, si simply a matte rof time before I get it.
Active faith. Give courage. To walk through, or face down any fear.
It may be a bit uncomfortable for a second, but I know that the universe has and will continue to consipire to help me.