its all working out
So much has happened over the last few months. So much inside, emotionally, and so much outside when it comes to my home, my job, my relationshpip with my girlfriend, my friends, the list goes on and on. I am sitting in the airport right now, making another trip down to LA. I have moved out of my house in Roseville, been renting a room from a friend in Sacramento. I have rented a townhouse in Pacific Palisades with my girlfriend, and we've both moved our stuff into it. She is pregnant, 20 weeks pregnant this week. We go in tomorrow to find out what the sex of the baby is, and we are doing it as a family. She is bringing her son with us, and that is awesome. I think we are all excited to be finding out what the sex of our newest addition is goin to be.
I am not sure how to categorize or describe all the things that have been going on. Not feeling like I am at home was hard. Before we got our place together, and I was simply in-between. Now I feel like I have a home, but I am never there, and I am not sure which is harder. I havent been able to settle into any routine, and my focus to try to do more than just my job simply hasnt been there. When I am in Sacramento, I feel disconnected, and alone, and like my life is simply not going anywhere. There is a lot of fear that comes up because I still havent figured out my job situation, and I dont know waht I am going to do when it comes to paying for all this stuff coming up for the baby.
I am in love. Very much. My girlfriend and I are still getting to know each other, and we're still growing together as a couple, but it is going well. When I look at her, I am blown away sometimes simply because I think she is so beautiful. I love the way she laughs, and her smile is amazing, and she has this way about her that I simply cannot describe, but it is magnetic.
I am excited and anxious, and a bit scared of hte arrival of the baby, but I think that is normal. I believe I will be a good father, I will definitely be devoted, and loving, and I will do my best. I tihnk it is just nature though to want to be able to provide, nad give everything you can to your family, nad this is a new feeling for me, because I was so used to just doing everything for myself, and fucking everyone else. I mean, I was generous and what not, but when it came to my money, nad doing what I wanted, and spending what I wanted on what I wanted, etc etc, it was me me me. I have found it so interesting, that wihtout even any effort my focus has shifted to make sure I am providing what we need, and trying to take care of things.
Over all I am at an amazing point in my life. Everything is new. Everything is unknown, and each step is a new step. I dont have answers. I dont know waht the future holds, and all that would have scared the shit out of me in the past but I am just rolling with it, and trusting that it is all working out, as it has so far, and that it will continue to.
I am not sure how to categorize or describe all the things that have been going on. Not feeling like I am at home was hard. Before we got our place together, and I was simply in-between. Now I feel like I have a home, but I am never there, and I am not sure which is harder. I havent been able to settle into any routine, and my focus to try to do more than just my job simply hasnt been there. When I am in Sacramento, I feel disconnected, and alone, and like my life is simply not going anywhere. There is a lot of fear that comes up because I still havent figured out my job situation, and I dont know waht I am going to do when it comes to paying for all this stuff coming up for the baby.
I am in love. Very much. My girlfriend and I are still getting to know each other, and we're still growing together as a couple, but it is going well. When I look at her, I am blown away sometimes simply because I think she is so beautiful. I love the way she laughs, and her smile is amazing, and she has this way about her that I simply cannot describe, but it is magnetic.
I am excited and anxious, and a bit scared of hte arrival of the baby, but I think that is normal. I believe I will be a good father, I will definitely be devoted, and loving, and I will do my best. I tihnk it is just nature though to want to be able to provide, nad give everything you can to your family, nad this is a new feeling for me, because I was so used to just doing everything for myself, and fucking everyone else. I mean, I was generous and what not, but when it came to my money, nad doing what I wanted, and spending what I wanted on what I wanted, etc etc, it was me me me. I have found it so interesting, that wihtout even any effort my focus has shifted to make sure I am providing what we need, and trying to take care of things.
Over all I am at an amazing point in my life. Everything is new. Everything is unknown, and each step is a new step. I dont have answers. I dont know waht the future holds, and all that would have scared the shit out of me in the past but I am just rolling with it, and trusting that it is all working out, as it has so far, and that it will continue to.
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