Words are a band-aid, actions are the healer
I was talking with a friend of mine this morning, who has been struggling with this one guy for a while. He seems to reel her in, get her where he wants, then play games till she is ready to cal it quits, then sweet talks his way back into her good graces, does a few things to show that "things are different", gets her back where he wants, and then does it all over again. This has been going on for months. I believe they started dating back in March. I keep trying to tell her that she is getting played, and she is like an abused wife or something, with this unwavering mindset that this time is going to be different.
This most recent occurence had her on the go, that was it, she was done. She couldnt beleive what he had done this time. So they set up a time to talk about it, and the same thign happens. Of course she tells me going in, this is it, I am going to tell him how I feel, and just be done with it. Then this morning, she says, "he is so great" or something along those lines. UGH! I reply. I cant believe it.
In our conversation though, I tried to explain to her that she is getting played, and brought to her attention that this is the same behavior he has exhibited for the last several months. She starts to recognize it. Then she says that he is going to start treating her better, and all this. My take on it was that he has been saying these sweet nothings for a long time. His actions have told a completely different story. So yes, your pain comes from his actions, and he uses his words to console you, to make you feel better for the time being. Then goes back to doing the same thigns that made you upset to begin with. At some point, you'll have to stop accepting a band aid for the pain he is causing and ask him to change his actions, to prevent the pain from occuring on a regular basis instead.
When you walk the walk you dont need to talk the talk
MT
This most recent occurence had her on the go, that was it, she was done. She couldnt beleive what he had done this time. So they set up a time to talk about it, and the same thign happens. Of course she tells me going in, this is it, I am going to tell him how I feel, and just be done with it. Then this morning, she says, "he is so great" or something along those lines. UGH! I reply. I cant believe it.
In our conversation though, I tried to explain to her that she is getting played, and brought to her attention that this is the same behavior he has exhibited for the last several months. She starts to recognize it. Then she says that he is going to start treating her better, and all this. My take on it was that he has been saying these sweet nothings for a long time. His actions have told a completely different story. So yes, your pain comes from his actions, and he uses his words to console you, to make you feel better for the time being. Then goes back to doing the same thigns that made you upset to begin with. At some point, you'll have to stop accepting a band aid for the pain he is causing and ask him to change his actions, to prevent the pain from occuring on a regular basis instead.
When you walk the walk you dont need to talk the talk
MT
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