a story continued...
I walk into the coffee shop and am greeted by Ronnie with a warm and boisterous welcome, "Katch! Great to see you this morning! What can I get for you, the usual?"
I looked up at him, a forced half smile and a half nod letting him know that would be fine.
"whats up with you man, you look like shit?" he asks in a much more subdued tone, showing some concern for a friend/ patron as he turns to grab the cup and begin pouring my coffee. "You been dancing with Connie again?" Even though there was only one other person in the store, Ronnie obviously felt it would be better to speak in code, if thats even what you want to call it. Funny how people think that by using differnt words for things, that the meaning behind them is somehow concealed.
Ronnie and I had gotten to know each other pretty well over the last several months, and his blunt and poignant observation didnt come as any surprise. He knew me well enough to know that I had in fact been dancing with Connie, and was paying the price for it this morning.
"Yeah, is it that obvious?" I asked, my question somewhat rhetorical. I knew how I felt inside, but I didnt think that my outsides could look half as bad. I felt that I had done a decent job of pulling myself together before leaving my apartment, but I wasnt exactly looking at the world with fresh eyes either.
"Not as bad as some of the other times I've seen you, but that isnt saying much" he replied half laughing, but with a compassionate tone underlying his humor. "what you up to now?" he asked as he slid my coffee over to me.
"I dont know, I just had to get out of my apartment. My head was racing, and all I could do was sit and listen to music and scribble all these lyrics all over my notepad. I was driving myself crazy. Whats up with you?" My words coming out of my mouth and sounding to me like I was in an empty room and each word echoed in my head a little bit, making me feel a bit off center. I was going to need some sleep soon.
"Life is good, Katch, it is all good!" he said smiling at me with a brightness in his eyes, and a warm look on his face. How the fuck did he stay so happy all the time. I loved it most of the time, but on mornings like this it was tough to stomach. I couldnt fault him for it, it just made me feel even worse. Waht was his secret I thought to myself.
"Right on man" I replied. I stood there mixing up my coffee, sugar, and milk into my wonderful concoction of sweet caffeinated bliss. My head ringing, and my hands shaky. Connie was doing her solo routine on me now, dancing her routine and stomping all over my body. "Alright. Well I am gonna take a walk, see waht the city will bring me today. Later Ronnie." I said as I turned and walked out.
"Later Katch. Take care of yourself." adn after a long pause, with teh door almost completely shut I heard him shout after me, "Hey Katch! . . . Katch"
I stopped, and turned, the quick movement throwing my head off balance for a quick second and I grabbed the handle, opened the door and looked at him. "whats up?"
"hey gimme a ring later today. I'm going to check out this girl sing in the Mission, she is supposed to be awesome. I think you'd dig it. Get some rest, and come out"
I pushed my lips out, looked out to my right as I thought about it and nodded my head. "alright man, we'll see. I cant think for shit right now, just call me when you're off and we'll see whats up" I replied. Non committal cause I really didnt know just how bad of a state I was fixing to be in. I let go of the door, turned around and started walking again. The cup of coffee warm in my hand, the reflection of the sun off the ground burning my eyes, I pulled out my sun glasses, slipped them on, pulled up my hood, and withdrew from the world as I put one foot in front of the other.
I looked up at him, a forced half smile and a half nod letting him know that would be fine.
"whats up with you man, you look like shit?" he asks in a much more subdued tone, showing some concern for a friend/ patron as he turns to grab the cup and begin pouring my coffee. "You been dancing with Connie again?" Even though there was only one other person in the store, Ronnie obviously felt it would be better to speak in code, if thats even what you want to call it. Funny how people think that by using differnt words for things, that the meaning behind them is somehow concealed.
Ronnie and I had gotten to know each other pretty well over the last several months, and his blunt and poignant observation didnt come as any surprise. He knew me well enough to know that I had in fact been dancing with Connie, and was paying the price for it this morning.
"Yeah, is it that obvious?" I asked, my question somewhat rhetorical. I knew how I felt inside, but I didnt think that my outsides could look half as bad. I felt that I had done a decent job of pulling myself together before leaving my apartment, but I wasnt exactly looking at the world with fresh eyes either.
"Not as bad as some of the other times I've seen you, but that isnt saying much" he replied half laughing, but with a compassionate tone underlying his humor. "what you up to now?" he asked as he slid my coffee over to me.
"I dont know, I just had to get out of my apartment. My head was racing, and all I could do was sit and listen to music and scribble all these lyrics all over my notepad. I was driving myself crazy. Whats up with you?" My words coming out of my mouth and sounding to me like I was in an empty room and each word echoed in my head a little bit, making me feel a bit off center. I was going to need some sleep soon.
"Life is good, Katch, it is all good!" he said smiling at me with a brightness in his eyes, and a warm look on his face. How the fuck did he stay so happy all the time. I loved it most of the time, but on mornings like this it was tough to stomach. I couldnt fault him for it, it just made me feel even worse. Waht was his secret I thought to myself.
"Right on man" I replied. I stood there mixing up my coffee, sugar, and milk into my wonderful concoction of sweet caffeinated bliss. My head ringing, and my hands shaky. Connie was doing her solo routine on me now, dancing her routine and stomping all over my body. "Alright. Well I am gonna take a walk, see waht the city will bring me today. Later Ronnie." I said as I turned and walked out.
"Later Katch. Take care of yourself." adn after a long pause, with teh door almost completely shut I heard him shout after me, "Hey Katch! . . . Katch"
I stopped, and turned, the quick movement throwing my head off balance for a quick second and I grabbed the handle, opened the door and looked at him. "whats up?"
"hey gimme a ring later today. I'm going to check out this girl sing in the Mission, she is supposed to be awesome. I think you'd dig it. Get some rest, and come out"
I pushed my lips out, looked out to my right as I thought about it and nodded my head. "alright man, we'll see. I cant think for shit right now, just call me when you're off and we'll see whats up" I replied. Non committal cause I really didnt know just how bad of a state I was fixing to be in. I let go of the door, turned around and started walking again. The cup of coffee warm in my hand, the reflection of the sun off the ground burning my eyes, I pulled out my sun glasses, slipped them on, pulled up my hood, and withdrew from the world as I put one foot in front of the other.
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