Do you ever just want to run away?

Do you ever wake up in the morning, and just wish you didnt have to do anything. You didnt have to get up to go to work, you didnt have to go and "earn a living" you didnt have to worry about feeding anyone, or paying your bills, or doing your chores. Maybe you're feeling a little cornered, or a little pressured, or just trapped in some way, weighed down with all of the responsibilities. Maybe you are feelign a bit scared because you've bitten off more than you can chew, or perhaps because you are entering into something unknown and you dont know if you'll make it, or be successful, or anyhting like that. I woke up this morning, and felt pretty good physically. I had a decent night of sleep, I wasnt overly tired, or grumpy. I was up, and aware, adn alert for the most part, and liked it. Something was weighing on me though, and I just oculdnt shake the feeling. I started feeling very unsettled, for lack of a better term. I walked into my office at my new job, and I thought to myself, I dont want to be here today. I wante to run away. I wanted to go and get into my car, and just leave. Where would I go? I dontk now. I had a week off and I didnt have anywhere to go, so I'm not sure where I would go now. I am sitting here trying to process my thoughts, and understand what it is I am feeling and I think it is a combination of all of the new things in my life right now. I am feeling overwhelmed, perceived pressure on myshoulders, and I am scared. Bottom line, when it coems down to it, I am scared that I am not going to be able to do my job GREAT, and when it coems to dating, I am scared I will get emotionally involved and be hurt, or hurt someone else. I am feeling scared, that I will fuck up somehow. I know it is just fear, unfoundedd fear, but it happens when your world is turned upsdie down, and everything is new, EVERYTHING. MY routine, new emotions, new job, new commute, new interactions, it is like I stepped into this next stage of my life and it wasnt that a couple things shifted, it was like walking from the set of one movie, into a set of an entire different movie, different genre, different time, everything. So, I will go to make up, then wardrobe, dress my part, and do my best to play the role I've been given, adn follow my instructions form the director, and hope that I am part of a blockbuster, or a Tony Award winner if it is a stage play. Thats what happens when you are working under such a famed director. . . he makes you looke good, and in turn, you begin to feel better about your role, and you get better at it.
MT