An interesting conversation

I got home last night, and I was talking with my roommate a little bit. We typically will catch each other up on the latest and greatest from our lives, be it work, play, and love lives. Pretty much everything is open to discussion. In between the many jokes that fly back and forth and a very high level of sarcasm from both sides, we typically end up having pretty meaningful conversations. Last night she and I were talking a bit about our love lives. She recently started dating a guy, and they have since become "boyfriend/girlfriend" which is awesome. I've met him a few times, and he is definitely a cool dude. We were talking about my love life, and the different girls that I have dated or been dating or been out with or whatever since I have started to venture back out into that world and making myself available again. Out of seemingly no where she said "do you think you are emotionally available or open to actually finding someone you want to be with? " and I wasnt exactly sure how to reply. "Yeah, I think so. . . " I ended up replying, and launched into an explanation as to why I felt that I was. The problem was that I was only half believing myself. The conversation stuck with me, and it had me thinking about it this morning on my way to work. I guess my answer was that up until my trip to Crescent City, I probably wasnt all that ready. I think I was just putting myself out there as a way to kind of force myself to get "back in the saddle" so to speak. That I had to start venturing out of my comfort zone, come out of my shell, and start getting out there whether I wanted to or not. I think it was the right thing to do at the time, and I think it has helped me to speed up both the actual process or healing, and therefore becoming availalbe, and also the feeling of wanting to do it. I think that the healing process is jsut that, a process and I am and have been taking steps to do the healing necessary to find myself again ready and open to having another relationship. What I am finding also is that I am truly enjoying the process. It is great for me when I see that I have gotten past something, or that something doesnt hurt anymore. When I begin to have some excitement surrounding a date, or someone I met. I have been starting to reach out and make more friends, and venture into new social circles where before I was to scared or simply unwilling to do so. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I may not necessarily be 100% ready and open to a new relationship, but what I do realize is that I am on my way, and I am getting there through action, effort, and willingness. All the while I am enjoying this new found freedom of being able to be myself, and let people in, and becoming more involved in things outside of my every day life. It was an pretty profound conversation, in that it got me thinking, and evne more profound for me personally when I realized that A. I have been unavailable, but am getting closer to becoming so and B. That I am enjoying the process, and very much happy with where I am in my life.