Feeling Empty
So last night I was driving home. I was half asleep, and in a fog of sorts. It was as if I was still in a dream or something and I was just floating along the highway (at 85 mph). Just drifting, and swaying, and rolling along. I had just woken up, having fallen asleep on my friends couch while watching The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I woke up, stretched out, put on my shoes and said my good bye. I had to get home. I was house sitting, my dogs were outside, I needed to go. While I was on my way, I was not heading in a direction. I was simply floating. I felt as if right now my life is not purposeful, that I am driving without a destination, without a goal, with no real enthusiasm for any thing. This is not ok with me, this is not how I want to live. When I was getting ready to go to Panama, I was filled with so much excitement, life, and enthusiasm, I wanted to share that with everyone. It was contagious, and people bought into it as well. I am back, and have bene fro a while, and the question keeps popping up in my head, what now, what now what now.
I came across an old journal entry that I wrote 6-7 years ago the other day, and I read it briefly. I stopped about halfway through, and was a bit disgusted with myself, because I was saying the same things then that I am saying now. Things that I want to do, focus on, become. Why am I not doing these things? Because I have bene side tracked, or the timing wasnt right. i think a lot of the onus falls on my shoulders as I simply have not had the focus or dedication to actually finish something. It seems to be my biggest challenge, to find a direction, and a purpose, and then put my energy towards it and go for it. I know now that it is possible, anything is possible with the right mind set.
Last night while I was driving I realized for the millionth time, that my energies are being spent on things that do not line up with any clear intention at all, and while they may not necessarily be wasted, they need to be honed in on something. I see the benefit of all the things tht I have done, and the lessons I have learned form over the years. I defintiely dont feel the time was wasted, but I do feel that the time to really shift it into a "high" gear is now. I said it before, it isnt necessarily needing to know exactly what you want and then just going for it . It is more about deciding you are gonna do SOMETHING, and then taking steps to do them, consistently, and gain and keep any momentum.
I came across an old journal entry that I wrote 6-7 years ago the other day, and I read it briefly. I stopped about halfway through, and was a bit disgusted with myself, because I was saying the same things then that I am saying now. Things that I want to do, focus on, become. Why am I not doing these things? Because I have bene side tracked, or the timing wasnt right. i think a lot of the onus falls on my shoulders as I simply have not had the focus or dedication to actually finish something. It seems to be my biggest challenge, to find a direction, and a purpose, and then put my energy towards it and go for it. I know now that it is possible, anything is possible with the right mind set.
Last night while I was driving I realized for the millionth time, that my energies are being spent on things that do not line up with any clear intention at all, and while they may not necessarily be wasted, they need to be honed in on something. I see the benefit of all the things tht I have done, and the lessons I have learned form over the years. I defintiely dont feel the time was wasted, but I do feel that the time to really shift it into a "high" gear is now. I said it before, it isnt necessarily needing to know exactly what you want and then just going for it . It is more about deciding you are gonna do SOMETHING, and then taking steps to do them, consistently, and gain and keep any momentum.
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